Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes! More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Me

This past year has been a big fat giant bunch of changes for me. Some were sad, but most were wonderful and exciting.

Truth, Mr. Bowie. Truth.

My relationship of four years ended last September. It was unexpected, and heartbreaking, and it changed my whole life. Since then, though, J and I have gotten to a place where we can love each other, be close friends, and be in each other's lives in a consistent way, and it's not painful anymore (for me, at least. I can't speak for him). Going through this in the way we did, discussing everything about how things were and how they ended, and discussing it together, has made me rethink how I see relationships. I see now that if a relationship was, in essence, a good one (which ours was, loving each other was never our problem), then the fact that the breakup happens and is painful doesn't mean that the relationship you had is now null. It also made me realize that there were so many things I didn't want to talk about during the relationship that I was only able to verbalize after it was over. If I had been more open to talking about my concerns and fears, things might have not been as shocking and painful when it all came to a head. I need to learn to trust my partners to understand my worries, and I need to learn to trust my own ability to express myself properly.

I just have a lot of feelings. Jean Luc understands.

I went back to school in September (yeah, going through a huge painful breakup while re-acclimating to being in school was rough, but it sure kick-started my determination to keep busy and get good grades!). My school is, in a word, amazing. My program is a three-year degree in both K-8 Education and Special Education. My cohortmates are some of the funniest, silliest, and most brilliant people I've ever met. They inspire me to be my best self, and they have made going back to school not only do-able, but the best decision I have ever made. I am flourishing in this setting. If ever there was someone who felt that had found their calling, it is me, in a classroom. I've managed to keep a 4.0 GPA every quarter, and my performance reviews in the classroom have progressed very quickly to the highest marks possible. I feel like the universe is giving me big thumbs up everywhere I look. I think that learning to trust my gut, to grab onto every opportunity, and to extend and stretch beyond myself has helped me to become the person I was meant to be, and I'm not done yet!

Strrrreetccccchhh... a little further!

I moved out of the house I shared with J in Ballard, and back to my hometown of West Seattle. I've never lived alone before. I love it. I loved living with J, but living alone is amazing. I feel at peace whenever I'm home, and if you know me, you know my life has never had much peace in it. I love my tiny little apartment. I love my street. I love living in West Seattle. I feel like I've come home after a long and tiring trip. I can tell that this place is going to be where I will live when everything comes together. And it's coming together soon!

This place I'm in? It's good. It's REAL good.

I'm now happily single, and am determined to stay that way (indefinitely). Some people I know have been a little confused by this determination. I'm very happy in the way my life has been going lately. I don't think I have room for much more. With friends, family, school, student teaching, and my own hobbies (dancing! singing jazz! reading HELLA books!), I don't know how I would fit another person into my life, without giving them a smaller slice of myself and my attentions then they would deserve. So no, I won't give you my phone number, guy on the street. And no, I don't want to dance with you, dude in nightclub. And no, I don't want to be set up with your cousin's friend's brother.  Just leave it alone, ya'll. I'm not ready. And when I am, I'll go about it in my own, very particular way. Not yours.

My motto.  Learn to love it.

Kthnxbi.

-E

An Introduction: No really, I've got nothin'...

I don't blog.

I've tried in the past, but I don't have a topic about which to write regularly enough, and interestingly enough, to entertain myself (let alone anyone else).

It seems like a lot of people I know have blogs. Interesting ones, about their lives, their travels, their work and hobbies. I have a life (more or less). I have (some, limited) travels. I have work and hobbies. So shouldn't I be blogging as well?

No, not really. I have nothing interesting to say about most things people blog about. But I feel the need lately to write about my lack of interesting things to write about. So here goes. The purpose of this blog is to vent my emotions about my own lameness, as it pertains to blogging.

So follow my blog, read my posts. But you've been warned. It won't be interesting.